The Kinship of the Lepchas in Marriage
In the Lepcha society the contracting of marital bonds is not just a union of the two individuals only; it turns out to be an unbreakable tie and a solid link between the two clans concerned as well. No Lepcha marriage can take place within the same AAGIT or PUTSO. Marriage between closely related families is not allowed. The main characteristic of the Lepcha marriage consists of a number of rituals and customary practices all along the different stages of rather long drawn out wedding process. But it can be summarized to three main stages consisting of main and minor rituals. These stages are:
1. NYOM VYAT- the search and inquiry for the bride
2. ASHAKE- the engagement process
3. BREE- the final wedding ceremony
Nyom Vyat: This involves the process of looking for the bride and making necessary enquiries of the would-be bride. The first stage does not involve direct interaction between the girl’s parents or any of her relatives. The boy’s paternal uncle (AKU) makes the necessary enquiries from the girl’s neighbors and fellow villagers whether she is single. Most of the inquiry is about the girl’s family, her health and whether the family or the girl herself has any case history of “cursed diseases” like leprosy etc. When the party is satisfied that there is nothing untoward about the family as well as the girl in consideration the process moves to the next stage which involves direct interaction.
Here the role of an experienced middleman (PEEBU) comes into play. The boy’s family sends two or at the most three of close relatives along with the PEEBU with a gift of CHEE PROK (a packet of fermented millet) to the girl’s house. The girl’s family accepts the CHEE PROK and asks for the purpose of the visit in very subtle manner. The use of the TUNGBOAR ARING (higher Lepcha honorific language) is encouraged during such occasions. The girl’s family is under no obligation to accept the proposal even after accepting the gift of CHEE PROK. But if they are interested in the relationship they let the PEE BU know about it and they invite the girls AAJYOUNG (maternal uncle) into the play. An auspicious day is chosen for the formal engagement process with reference to the necessary sacred books.
Ashake: The formal engagement process starts on this second stage. The Lepcha emphasis of TAAMZUK (respect) becomes more evident in this stage. The boy’s parents in order to keep the stature of the girl’s family more high do not negotiate themselves directly. The middle man (PEEBU) has to be expert in the TUNGBOAR ARING while dealing the girl’s maternal uncles. The whole process involves the test of wits of the PEEBU where he is made to answer all the difficult and witty questions directed to the Boy’s party. After the maternal uncles of the girl are satisfied with the PEEBU’s performance and their queries regarding the boy’s intentions are cleared the gathering decides upon the date of the actual wedding. They also handover the list of gifts the groom’s party has to bring on the day of the wedding. The LAKTO PUNOL or the list of the gifts is the following obligatory items:
1. two full baskets of Chee (fermented millet)
2. one fore leg and one hind leg of a bull. Sometimes it becomes obligatory whether to bring the right or the left ones.
3. AMU DUMDYAM- the traditional dress worn by lepcha women for the mother
4. ABO SUMUK THYAKTUK- a cane hat for the father
5. PUNOL (gift) for the MUJYONG (maternal uncle), ABOAKU (paternal uncle), PHAMING(brother), MUNYU (maternal aunt), BONYU (paternal aunt)
Note: some of the above mentioned gift items can be substituted with nominal monetary value.
Bree: The wedding day is fixed in consultations with the sacred books. On this occasion, only 10 members (in accordance with the RONGKUP KATI tradition) from the groom’s party are asked to reach the bride’s home on the specified time. The groom’s party is fined if they reach the venue later than the affixed time. Even if they reach at time the bride’s family tends to pretend and ignore them as they remain standing at the gate. This is done in a sporty spirit and not meant to insult the groom’s entourage. Finally the negotiator from the bride’s home starts will engage the PAMIBU in TUNGBOAR ARING making subtle enquiries and using delaying tactics which serves as a mild punishment. There is no ill-feeling in such activities and the groom’s party bears it all as a social prank.
The blessing of the wedding couple is done by the BONGTHING (male priest) who invokes the ancestors of both the groom’s and bride’s PUTSO (clan). The incantations of the BONGTHING inform the ancestors’ spirits of the wedding.
In ancient times the groom had to stay at the bride’s home for at least 11 years and prove his worth by doing hard manual labor and all the household work before he could take the bride to his home. The modern times does not allow for such labor and hard work so there is a nominal amount to be paid as the bride price as per the customary laws.
It has to be pointed out that all the rituals mentioned above are according to the authentic lepcha way following the BONGTHING Creed and does not have any influence of the Lamaist Buddhist tradition or the “white wedding” of the Christians. Some ceremonies have undergone some modifications according to the prevalent local systems within the different Lepcha settlements in Sikkim. But the whole concept of marriage is still a sacred and holy alliance. The advent of Buddhism and Christianity has contributed to significant changes in the practice of the rituals. The overwhelmingly large infiltration of people of other communities has also, to some extent, affected the tradition practiced during marriages.
